Forget About It Jake, It's...

Flattering? I guess?

2009-06-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

I have mentioned in other blog posts that I don't get hit on very often...not fishing, just facts. However, whenever I do, it is nearly always an unsavory experience. Some of these are very old stories so bits of the details are a bit hazy...some of them are clearer, but here are some of my stories (see also the New York post).
A bunch of months ago, I was watching the divine Ms. S. in an opera...as I left, I was "hit on" by a SEEMINGLY nice, older man, who ended up stroking the tops of my feet *shudder*. In that scenario, I didn't realize I was being hit on until it was morphed into a weird upsetting, if brief, foot "incident". It was odd, and creepy, but at least he was nice (again, until the very mild assault), and at an opera. And I was dressed up.
The lovely Ms. N and I went to go see Wicked the last time I was in CA. After the show, we drove back to her neighborhood and we decided we need some very late night snacks. Again, we were dressed up (having been at the theatre and all) so we decided against fast food, and found what looked like an old style diner. There weren't many patrons, just us and a huge party of barely not teens and another couple at another table. We were the best dressed, by miles. We enjoyed our snack and were just hanging out. The party had just cleared out and a VERY, very meaty man in a double breasted suit walked in. Ms. N and I sorta sniggered quietly because he look so mafioso. He walked towards up, followed by a much, much smaller man, who walked to the corner table, near us, where the teens had been. The Big Man stopped at out table and said "Bella donnas!", LITERALLY kissed the tips of his fingers, looked up to the heavens and said something else in Italian. He kissed both of our hands, and commented on how beautiful we were and how nice it was to see ladies dressed up and asked our names. His name, just for the record, was Sal (because he was in the mafia). We both said thanks, introduced ourselves and blushed (because we are from Canada), and then he started REALLY pouring on the charm, lots more Italian "sweet talk", and asked us if we would join him and his "associates" (yes, really, he said his associates, BECAUSE HE WAS VITO CORLEONE!). We politely and somewhat nervously, declined (because we are Canadian, not crazy). He lingered awhile longer and we beat a hasty retreat. When we went outside, there was a guy waiting by a a huge Cadalliac, because, he was IN THE MAFIA! Upsetting, but sorta classy, in a very alarming way.
Another time, I was at Grocery Outlet, that bastion of classy eats. The Husband was at BK (speaking of classy eats!) and I was running into GO for some comfort foods for magnificent Mr. M. As I was walking down the aisle, I walked past two guys and heard one ACTUALLY saw "Daaaayumn". I assumed he was excited about the great values...apparently that wasn't it. He told me I was hot...I blushed, (because apparently I can't NOT blush, not matter what I think of the people involved in the situation) said thank you and kept shopping. We bumped into each other in another bargain packed aisle and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him. I said, no, thanks, I am married. After I checked out and went back out into the parking lot, and was getting into my car, they drove past and said they hoped to see me again. At Grocery Outlet. I mean, I enjoy a deal, but really?? Nothing classy about this, at all.
Today, I was at the Dollar Store (which is beside Grocery Outlet incidentally) picking up some bubbles, like you do. I turned and made unintentional eye contact with a dude coming into the store...sorry, who was pimp rolling into the store. He even had the baseball hat with the stiff brim and 2 carat "diamond" earrings. Playa fo sho. I thinks nothing of it and keep shopping. I pass him in another aisle and he said "We keep running into each other, gotta stop doing that." I laughed in that "stranger made a banal comment that was meant to be a joke" way. I kept going and he said, "hey come back, something is coming out"...I was wearing pants with zippered pockets on the sides of the legs, so it was possible that something was indeed escaping my pockets...so I stopped to look. And he FULLY eyed me up and down and took a very, very long look at my ass. I am now on to him. So, I say thanks, and walk away. He then says "You are walking so fast, slow down for a second, come back...you got somewhere to be?". Normal people can ignore these sorts of things, I would imagine. I, apparently, cannot be impolite to strangers or I will be turned to a pillar of dust...so I stop, again, to explain that I am in a hurry. However, instead of saying "To get away from pimps in search of dollar store goodness" I said "Yeah, I have to go pick up kids". What kids? Who can say. Luckily, he didn't ask. I picked kids because I thought perhaps that would quell the desire. Not in our Romeo. He said "Oh, oh. Well, so, do you live around here?" And I said "Yeah, sorta." And he said "Coo', cooo'. So, can I get your number or something?" And I said..wait for it "No, sorry. Thanks though." Ohhhhhh Canada *facepalm* and then I very nearly ran to the checkout. He was calling after me, but this time I didn't stop. Finally. I saw him in his car in the parking lot and he eyed me again and waved.
*sighs* I am not on the market, obviously, but it would nice if just once, just ONCE I regretted not being availble because the guy hitting on me was so cool, hot, awesome, in possesion of all his teeth...apparently this is not my fate. I guess it is nice just being....nominated?

A fetish!

2009-04-26T22:23:00.001-07:00

So, I was in lovely La Conner with lovely Steinunn and her lovely babies...all in all a good time, save for the eatery we chose, which was slow, but at least the food was gross and the staff were surly. After that harrowing experience, we decided to head out in search of their famed tulips (which are gorgeous) but, being prudent, decided to stop for a "bio-break" first.
I went first, and upon enter the public restroom I heard a woman talking to her son, who were in the other stall. This is what I heard "C'mon, push out all the little piggies, that's it. Get all those piggies out. Are you done? Are all the piggies out? Yeah? No more piggies? Okay, clamp down now. Good job!" Then some chatter from the boy that I couldn't quite make out, that lead to this reply "Yes. Well, penises are bathroom talk. So, it is okay to talk about them when you are in the bathroom but we don't talk about penises outside the bathroom okay?" Then, another inaudible part, followed by "No, she doesn't. Penises are only for boys. Not girls. Only boys use penises."
Wow. Well done Madam. That is gonna be one messed up little, gay, pig loving kid. Never, ever take him to a farm. Or feed him bacon.

Edumacational, and true

2009-04-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

This list is rad...and you just learned a few new words! Good job. Now, go use these words and impress the pants off people.

A great idea!

2009-04-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/8ckoo/if_fox_news_loves_teabagging_so_much_lets_all/

And it is the Husbands' idea! Let's do it! Well, I won't, as I lack them...but YOU should!

Laughably sad

2009-04-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

PETA, I just want you to know that no one is going to forget about you. It's okay. You can take a day off. I mean, sure, people will still eat tasty, tasty meat, but it's not your fault. You can stop with the wacky stunts. Clearly you needed someone to tell you it was okay to stop, that we heard you, that we get it. It is. We did. We do. So, enough with the porn ads, and enough of foolishness like this, okay?
Everything is gonna be okay...take a nap, have a tofurkey tog (see, I didn't even use the word dog...it's okay).

My sick brain

2009-04-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

So, here is a random stroke of randomness. I have the flu (whee), as does the husband (double whee)...but he is lucky enough to be a "sick sleeper" whereas I am not so much. So, this morning, I woke up, despite feeling like a crap sandwich, at 7:45. Yay. What is a girl to do? So I finished the "book" I was reading, and then the agony in my back (stupid, hateful bed of evil and darkness) forced me to get up. Watching crappy tv was fun yesterday, but I felt like something a hair more ambitious, that still involved me sitting on the couch, in a blanket, with a heating pad on, so I downloaded Peggle...ohhhh Peggle, thou art a cruel and exacting Mistress...
I played for 4 hours before Husband awoke...and I thought perhaps it would entertaining and marginally cathartic to share everything I thought about while getting to level 10-5 (yeah, 10-5, that's right). Lest someone, (who actually still reads this broke-down blog) gets offended, this list is in NO particular order...at all.

*Paris
*Steven
*Ness
*sausages
*Pippin
*Lincoln City
*Portland
*Ang
*Viv
*Suz
*Steinunn
*D2
*Kale
*Chuff
*Disneyland
*ice cream bars
*India
*Patrick
*High School
*Judy-Ann
*Victoria
*clawfoot tubs
*Easter
*atheism
*Jon Stewart
*Stephen Colbert
*my parents
*Christmas
*Oma
*Grandpa
*fudge
*The Outsiders
*Commonwealth Games
*England
*Suzanne
*Mel
*Gone with the Wind
*Cinderella
*Disneyworld
*Germany
*Italy
*4th of July
*Nadine
*Al
*puberty
*sex
*acting
*singing
*roast beef
*V
*Liam
*Scott
*Deb
*spring
*The cast of NND, esp. Kathleen, James and Cindy
*allergies
*siniuses
*The Sims 3
AND...Godfather 2, the game

Wow, that is a lot of things to think about. No wonder I can't remember why I walk into rooms at times...

A bad mood cure

2009-01-29T19:10:00.001-08:00

Hey there friend...are you having a bad day? Fight with a loved one? Get yelled at by the boss? Stupid letter from your landlord asking you to pay more money or get evicted? Stub your toe? Forget your Mom's birthday? Well, take a deep breath, and watch this...

Copyrighted!

2009-01-20T15:09:00.000-08:00

I just invented a new term! I am watching, with rapt attention, this unbelievably, awesomely, historic day and decided that henceforth, the First Children should be called "The Obamlettes". See? It is cute, and sounds like omelettes, which are delicious.
I am, again, not going to try and say much about the inauguration because other people will have said plenty and said it better than I could, but holy shit is that man an amazing Orator. And so fucking cool! And sexy! This is going be great...

Official!

2008-12-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday (on Friday) Vivenne! And welcome to the world! More to come...

Preaching to the Choir, but preach on

2008-11-13T11:17:00.000-08:00

I can't say anything about this, because I am overcome...Just...watch it if you haven't.

Remembrance Day

2008-11-11T10:18:00.000-08:00

"In Flanders fields, the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place.
And in the sky,
The lark still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amidst the guns below

We are the dead. Short days ago,
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved and now we lie,
In Flanders field.

Take up our quarrel with the foe,
To you, from failing hands we throw,
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die,
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders field."

- Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD
(1872-1918)

Despite the fact that I think all war is a waste of precious life, I am grateful for those who came before us and fought for the rights and freedoms most of us enjoy. Please, take a moment and remember those who sacrificed everything.
"Lest we Forget."

Celebrebabies

2008-11-09T22:54:00.000-08:00

I know lots of cute, smart, cool kids...but now I know famous ones.
Them's some cute-ass babies and I am their Fauxauntie. Really, I think *I* deserve all the kudos hehe.

Baffling

2008-11-07T18:24:00.000-08:00

First of all, I haven't posted in awhile because my head and heart haven't been in it. But, I are back and I are pissed. Happy too, but the pissed part is dampening the happy part...which is a really gross sentence.
Second of all, and I know I am not even the first millionth blogger to post about the election, I am thrilled with the results. I was crying like a baby. I said in an email with my dad that Mister President-elect Obama is a powerful speaker on the level of a Churchill or a Roosevelt or a Dr. King and that acceptance speech proved that. I was also, surprisingly, proud of the grace McCain showed. It was like 2000 McCain again, who has been sorely missing for the past 8 years, particularly in this election.
I am not a cock-eyed optimist. I never have been. I have always been a worrier and a cynic, but I do have an unrelenting romantic streak...the Anne Shirley usage, not the bodice-ripping (okay, that too, but that is IRONIC I keep telling ya!) usage. That being said, I am filled with hope. I *do* believe the "Yes we can!" mantra. But I think there are some huuuuuuge barriers to overcome first.
Apparently, the fact that it is 2008 has escaped a few folks. I am an unrepentant democratic socialist, and I am a bleeding heart liberal. And I know that isn't as common, or popular as I wish it were. But hey, I live near water, it is just how we are. That being said, it IS 2008, and there are certain things that we, the people, should be way the fuck over by now. Like unrepentant racism and delightful ignorance.
I don't want to rag on people of faith, because I do admire that trait, despite my lack of it, but a lot of this shit seems to come from the Christian right. And being a hate monger is the EXACT opposite of Christianity. And I don't get it. I don't get hypocrisy. I never have. I have said a million times that one of my favorite quotes is one from Dante "The hottest places in hell are reserved for those, who in times of great moral crisis maintain their neutrality." Which means, at least to me, pick a fucking side and fight for it.
HOWEVER, in fighting for your side, you HAVE to be informed, and you have to remember that you are dealing with other people, who deserve the same amount of respect you demand. That means NOT lying, or believing lies, or fear mongering, or hate speech.
I am rambling, and not making much sense...but I am appalled by things I have heard lately. We are all people. And we all deserve respect. We all deserve to be who and whatever we want, as long as we do no harm. And anyone who thinks differently doesn't get to call themselves democratic, or Christian or humanitarians.
I may add more later...but I feel a little better. Thanks.
And, Hail to the Chief.

A new post!

2008-08-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

On the other blog. Enjoy at your leisure. Or not.

Not the first time, but still upsetting...

2008-08-03T01:45:00.000-07:00

I am CONSTANTLY finding things online that I wish I never saw. Admittedly, I am usually willingly diving into them and then regretting it later, rather than being accidentally "attacked" by stuff, but still.
So, under the category, of "why the f*%k does this need to exist" I bring you THIS treasure.
And if you can explain the why to me, I won't love you anymore. I mean, there HAS to be more effective ways of figuring out if you are pregnant...just a couple of examples that pop into my mind...USE A DIFFERENT BRAND, or take another test, or see a doctor! Medical conditions (I know technically pregnancy isn't a "medical condition" but I can't think of another term to use here other than that, so, iffen you are offended, I apologize) aren't something that gets decided by consent of a group of nameless, faceless, virtual peers...However, out of this tragedy, there is a new blog being launched by mutual hilarity, Brother Scott? Hit us with the addy!

Sweet Dreams,I guess?

2008-07-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

I have apparently discovered a new recipe for dreams. The last couple days I have woke up before 5 with a pressing "need". Upon completion of that task, I go back to bed and stay awake for a long time...but, I tend to fall back asleep just after the alarm goes off and when I do, the dreams start a rollin'.
Sometimes I can figure out why I dreamed what I dreamed, and then there are days like today...I was in downtown New York (deep, deep sigh) and then all hell breaks loose, sirens, cops, people running everywhere and hiding. Then I notice there is a man with a gun, holding my two friends Charlotte and Samantha (yes, from Sex and the City) hostage. They have their violin and cello (respectively) with them and he is pushing them towards a chain link fence. I run over to them and suddenly I am hostage too. We are pushed through the chain link fence where, naturally, an ancient Chinese temple is, and the courtyard is full of people. The bad guy starts yelling at everyone and climbs up on top of the temple and begins firing (from a crossbow) arrows at the crowd. People start screaming and hitting the deck, and I pull a little boy down as I drop. He is scared, so I tell him to not move and asking him questions about himself, trying to calm him down.
But we get hit anyway. It turns out that the arrows are filled with some sort of tranquillizer that makes most people fall asleep, so that they can be transported underground for 100 years as punishment for something that the bad guys thought they had done (I dunno what or why but it made sense in the dream). The sleeping people start getting dragged away, but a few of us are awake enough to escape. I am one of the lucky ones.
We escape to the nearby fortress of the "resistance" and are informed that the bad guys are battling on another plain of existence and in order to free the victims, we have to take peyote. And, apparently, peyote comes in the form of giant melon type fruits that you have to scoop out. It tastes nearly too bad to swallow, so most of the warrior chose to take in suppository form, but I take it orally, gagging a few times before I get it down. Then, we climb aboard the Spanish Armada ships that came and we go off to save the people.
Then the dream changed to something else. My last dream, before I woke up, took place at my high school reunion, where it turned out there were some spies who were fighting each other.
Um? What? Any thoughts?

Indiana Jones and the TEMPLE OF AWESOME!!!

2008-05-22T03:04:00.000-07:00

And then, Indy, was all like...oh but the Russian chick, she like totally...oh but then, the kid? He was all like...oohhh but when the thing came and then the other guys was totally...but he couldn't so, then but if she didn't then how could the...
It's too much. Just, go see Indy. It didn't suck. It didn't suck a lot. LONG LIVE INDY!

The good ol' day?

2008-05-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

You may have seen this, or something like it before...but it is worth another gander. Those wacky 1940's. Good times, particularly for the "husky, non-fussy" types.

A bad idea

2008-04-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

to post while overwrought with non-consensual emotions...However, it has been a long ass time and apparently I have too much in my head at the moment to sleep...so I will write it down because , while I find journaling pretentious, apparently I find blogging charmingly self-effacing?

Before I commence whingeing, I want to thank everyone for birthday wishes and for celebrating with me, either in person or in spirit. It does a girl proud to have so many amazing people she can call friends...Thank you all. And I realize this is very late, so sorry about that.

To the whinge! I thought, perhaps, this year I could live without having my brain turn to "birthday" mode...but apparently I was wrong. I never seem to get all that reflective around New Years, but my stupid birthday just sets me off. And I am having a hard time with my age this year. Which is a year premature, as far as I can figure, but annoying nonetheless.
I realized, intellectually, that technically, 29 isn't that old anymore. If 30 is the new 20, I am just a teen still, but I don't feel 19. Or 20. I feel 29.
Basically, I feel that I haven't done enough with those years. I went to bed one night when I was 21 and woke up and 8 years had gone by. Maybe everyone feels like that. Maybe Sondheim wakes up everyday thinking he should have written 10 more shows, maybe Marie Curie thought she should have found more....um...science, but those dudes did stuff.
I have said before that I often feel like Salleri (from the movie Amadeus, I don't know how he ACTUALLY felt)...I am cursed with desires/dream that I don't seem to be able to do anything about, for various reasons; mostly fear and laziness, which is a lethal combo.
So, in keeping with that New Yearsy vibe, I think I will make a few resolutions. I am only airing them, quasi-publically, so that I will have to do something about them. If anyone still reads this oft-neglected rag, please harass me about this things. I can't promise I won't get snarky about it, but I will appreciate it deep down.

1). I am getting back into theatre.
2). I am going to write a harlequin, just for fun
3). I am going to (when money allows) take singing lessons
4). I am going to learn a third language, likely german, because I know someone who knows it

The rest of my dreams are hinged on cash, namely travelling and going back to school, but when I can work, those two will make the list.
Right. End of whinge. How are you?

Fitness baby!

2008-03-26T13:18:00.000-07:00

I am the Queen of fitness. I am a latter day, living Jim Fixx. I walked allllllll the way home from the Houses. I rule.
Also, my head is cold.

Just tasty

2008-02-21T15:18:00.000-08:00

I am not a fangirl, typically. I don't find guys "hunky" nor do I buy calenders featuring beefcakes. My taste in dudes tends to be bigger dudes and like my beloved Anne Shirley said "I would like it if he could be wicked, but wouldn't." and I want them to look the part. Which is why I don't enjoy a Tenor, usually...they tend to be "feathery strokers" and I just don't have that kind of time. I don't enjoy pretty boys who turn a slim calf. And I don't talk about cute boys, unless I am speaking either ironically or condescendingly. I do not work in accounts receivable so I do not talk about making love to Brad Pitt or George Clooney (I am not made of wood, if the opportunity presented itself, I would fuck 'em....yummers). ALL that aside...I got to see Tosca last night. And Greer Grimsely was in it. He isn't a tenor, but he is slim and does turn a shapely calf. And he is hunky. And I would buy 10 thousand calendars of him. He is amazing, in all ways I have been privileged to see him.
This is my second time seeing him, and in both shows (the other was The Flying Dutchman) he was wearing a similar costume; hose, breeches, a cut-away coat, a ruffled shirt...essentially the gayest thing a man can wear without wearing a dress, and yet, AND YET...he looks so amazing in it that I can't picture him any other way. To quote Empire Records "Baby, you are sex.". And, the mf can sing like there is no tomorrow. And frankly, if my last is spent listening to him and looking at him (alongside my loving husband and fabulous friends and family of course) I would be okay with that.
And yes, I am sure Richmond will smack me. And man oh boy do I deserve it.

Lucky.

2008-02-14T08:54:00.000-08:00

I think it is no secret that our beloved van is elderly. And the elderly are just as good as the young, but certain things start to happen when we get older. Like, we shake a little when we go over 90 mph. No biggie. It happens. But, one of the advantages of youth is that we don't shake when we go over 90. Or at least, it seems like an advantage, at first. However, getting the shimmies can help you keep track of just what speed you are going, so the lack of the aforementioned shake takes away that little clue, thereby making dirty, evil, naughty speeding just a little easier.
My Dad's car is new. And the road to Vancouver is a lovely freeway with several lanes. And my Dad has satellite radio with lovely show tunes and hilarious comedy. And B.C. plates. The drive up was great. And the drive back down was great too, mostly.
Until I came up over a little hill and right up beside a King County sheriff. Now, my Momma didn't raise no fool, so I slowed the hell down (and I wasn't going THAT much too fast, only a little) but the lights came on anyway.
Now, I have never, ever (knock wood) been pulled over. Ever. But everyone who watches enough T.V. or enough movies knows what the lights mean. It means you are f**cked. It means that the couple hundred bucks you were going to use to pay some bills, or buy a purse or have a nice dinner are going to the state coffers.
So, I swore violently, got the sick feeling in my stomach that all Canadians get when facing figures of authority, and pulled over. I pulled out my wallet as I waited for the Sheriff 'round these hea parts to come and wrestle away our hard earned cash...And then he turned on this HUGE, insanely bright light, and I was sure I was also going to get a free roadside rectal. And then I remembered the tiny baggie filled with tiny, whitish crystals in my make-up bag. It was only sea salt for my new piercing, but it was unlabeled and I am panic junkie.
The cop makes his way over to the car, giant flashlight in hand. He was not, however a huge, hulking anger ball, but an older, smallish, sheriffy looking fellow. That seemed like either a really good thing, or the worst thing ever (see: Dukes of Hazzard), and then he said the most classic cop line since "A honey dip and a double-double please (see: Canada, former hockey player owned donut-shops of)." He said "Evening. Washington state Sheriff office. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
I am not blond. I am not delicate. I am not terribly girl. I am incapable of flirting. I am not tiny. I am not bubbly. But I ain't stupid. "I'm sorry Sir, no, I don't." Nervous smile.
"You had to be going over the speed limit. You came up over that hill and then had to slow down to drive right beside me and I was going the limit. You had to be doing at least 80."
"Oh my gosh Sir, I am so sorry. I thought the limit was 80 Sir."
"No. It is 70. There isn't anywhere in Washington state that is 80."
"Oh no. I am so sorry." Chagrined look.
"You can't just slow down when you see me. It doesn't work that way."
"Oh no Sir. I know." Very tiny nervous laugh.
A curt nod. "Alright. It is 70 here. Have a good night."
"Thank you so much Sir, you too."
And he waited behind me until I merged back in the flow of traffic. Which took a minute because I was peeing my pants.
And I drove in the far right lane and set the cruise control for 68 for the rest of the trip home.
Oh and Happy Valentine's Day.

Beyond vile.

2008-02-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

G(g)od(s) bless science. Truly. And by truly of course I mean *OUTRAGE*! http://www.flat-d.com

TWINS!

2008-02-08T12:59:00.001-08:00

Which we already knew...but they are here! Names to be announced, ya know, by the parents, but one is a Ms. and one is a Mr.!

All Happening!

2008-02-06T13:02:00.000-08:00

So, my beloved and oh so tiny friend Steinunn is officially starting to perform her first heroic act of motherhood; that is to say, Diplomacy and Diversity are on their way! She has carried those giant babies alllllll the way to the end and they are so comfortable inside her wee little body that they don't want to come out. Enter, medicine. So, she is having a bunch of stuff done to her to coax the little hipsters out and I know I am not alone in hoping this all passes swiftly and with the minimum amount of torment. But, darling Steinunn is a tough broad, so I am sure she will tromp through like a trooper.
And not to turn this into a me thing, but seriously, why isn't there more for "spectators" to do to help? I felt this same level of complete useless helpfullessness (copyright me, now) when the also beloved Deb was bringing the equally beloved, although smaller, V into the world. The menfolk who got these gals into this mess must feel even worse. I kid, of course, but really, it ain't right. There should be SOMETHING we can do. I think I am going to get some clean towels and boil some water.

EXTREME!

2008-02-04T22:23:00.000-08:00

I got my nose re-pierced and therefore, I am alternative! No, not really, but I do dig it. I had it done when I was a mere slip of a lass (and was the first in my school to get body pierced btw) and have always wanted to get it redone. And the dude who did it was really cool. And I must say, it did my little "square" heart proud to gross out the very modded Piercer with the tale of my previous experience. He was actually physically, full body, cringing. I AR XTREME. Or was, in the early 90's, without really knowing it.

Back, baby!

2008-01-22T23:46:00.000-08:00

My other, more upsetting, but funny (I hope maybe) blog, is being posted to again. Please, visit me there and share my pain.
http://shellswickpresents.blogspot.com/

Lovely. And yet, I am mad.

2008-01-09T22:51:00.000-08:00

I was lucky enough to see Pagliacci tonight. It was fantastic. I love watching people who are great at what they do, in beautiful clothes, doing their thing. The singing was fantastic, they actually acted (which is sorta hit and miss in the Opera world), the costumes, the set, the orchestra...it was all great. My only issue was with the audience.
Okay....so, when I get to go for free, we are actually seeing a dress rehearsal, not technically a performance. However. It. Is. Still. A. World. Class. Opera. House. World class. Not "Fred's Travellin' Sing-song Show". World class. THERE IS NO REASON TO WEAR SWEATPANTS, JEANS AND TEE SHIRTS! None. If you have tickets to the Opera, even cheap or free tickets, you are entering a theater. You are watching the worlds best singers performing great works of musical art. Buy some pants. With no holes. Buy a dress. It doesn't have to be new...it just has to be clean and APPROPRIATE. I get it. We are Seattle. We are all outdoorsy and shite. But, this is theater. Jeans and holey pants should not touch plush seats in a multi-million dollar theater. It is wrong and you are a bad person.

Christmas!

2007-12-24T00:59:00.000-08:00

Well, nearly. There is one particular song in the Muppet verison of The Christmas Carol that gets me to Weepytown every time I hear it but the repeated line (which isn't weepy) is "After all, it's just one more sleep till Christmas." To that I reply, Can't sleep..too excited.
I hope that you and yours have the very merriest of Christmases. And to those whom I love...I hope that you know how much you mean to me. The truth is (and at Christmas you tell the truth) you are all amazing friends and I am lucky to have you.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good life.

Wacky, yet rewarding spoilersish

2007-12-17T22:39:00.000-08:00

Went to see "No Country for Old Men" tonight. Fantastic. Wacky. Bleak. Very very good Cohening...

*NOT MUCH OF A SPOILER ALERT*
It is a fantastic movie. But, in typical Cohen style, it isn't what the average person might expect. That is to say, they start the movie with a voice over by TLJ, talking about how the world is going to shite, due in large part to the growing drug trade problem (it takes place in 1980)...and then the movie shows a story basically proving that point. But the GENIUS is, they tell you EVERYTHING that is going to happen. And they show a bunch of it. But, when the fit hits the shan, they DON'T show it. Because they told you. And then, they go back to the root...it is fanfuckingtastic. And ends. Just. Stops. It is great.
*PLOT DETAILS, SUCH AS THEY WERE, HAVE ENDED*

So, when we were leaving the theatre, we were talking about how smart that was...and as we got to the corridor, there was a quartet of late middle-aged women, clearly on movie night, were standing at the poster for the movie, talking about the actors (The dreamy TLJ I reckon). As we walked past, one lady called out "Do you think you got that movie?" She was talking to us.
So, we started talking to them about what we thought the filmakers intended and what we thought about it. And by jove, I think we helped them understand.
But ironically, the thing they didn't get, was what we both thought was rather the point and what made it smart, the misdirection of telling you EXACTLY what would happen and letting you convince yourself something else might.
Sooo good. And we helped older people. Yay.

11 days from now

2007-12-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

AND I AM NOT DONE SHOPPING! AAAAHHHHH! But at least I leave for Canada in 4 days...oh crap...I have to go breath into a paper bag.

Disturbing

2007-11-27T10:21:00.000-08:00

I can't wait for Friday. I am really excited, but I am also deeply mentally disturbed because I can't stop thinking of bad shit that might happen. Of course it is stupid, and even if something bad happens there is nothing I can do about it, so worrying and fretting doesn't do a goddamn thing except flair my ulcer and make sleeping a challenge. I hate that I can't just be happy.
And, I am very excited and happy and I love travel and I love Disney and I love the awesome peeps were are going with, so it isn't that.
Maybe I will just stay drunk until we get there...

LizawithaZeenotLisawithanEsscuzLizawithaZeegoeszznotsss

2007-11-16T00:42:00.000-08:00

Crap. Frickin' crappers. Goddamnfuckingshit! Liza Minnelli rocks! I have never...and there was...and then she...but no one...but then why would...and then she...but even better was...Wow. Fuck. I WISH I was that amazing now, let alone at 61, after several new body parts and rehab trips and exes and diseases...
The 'rents took the "kids" to see Liza tonight. And my dear god, well, yours actually, she was amazing. A-ma-zing! There is no delight as pure as seeing someone who you have grown up loving, LIVE and fan-fucking-tastic. Or, perhaps more accurately for Liza, fabu-fucking-lous. She sang, she belted, she even danced a little. She told a few stories, and even a joke. And we ate it with giant, Claim-jumper sized spoons. The audience was in love with her, and she claimed that we were all part of her family. And fuck that, I am usin it. I accept her invite. I will be Liza's niece.
My only issue was that some fans, or so-called fans, in the audience called out to her, asking her to sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".
Now, any REAL fan knows that Liza does not sing songs that were made famous by other people. Not ever. Let's face it, she is frickin' Liza Minnelli, she doesn't need to. But, moreover, she doubleplus NEVER sings that particular song. And, you, so-called fans, should know that, or shut the hell up. You flustered Liza and she hates you. And you are stupid looking.
If you EVER get the chance, see Liza. Maybe she will let you into her family too.

Sad, but not surprising

2007-11-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

Well, it is a good thing I never intended to get pregnant, because now I would have no one to tell.

No. No.

2007-10-23T23:13:00.000-07:00

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Non. No. No. Just...here. And, no.

One of the stupidist things ever

2007-10-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

I never click on banner ads as it just encourages them. However, yesterday one flashed up that I thought had to be a joke. It'sa no joke, as near as I could figure. Here, you look and see if it is a joke.

So, assuming that it isn't a joke...WTF? Why does this exist? This is even stupider than the electric scissors. I know that I have an unnatural love for make up, but I also know not everyone does. I also know that when you are drunk or high and sitting around with your friends shooting the shit, that if they are REAL friends, when the subject changes to your get rich schemes and all you got is that piece of crap invention, that you friends would immediately check you into rehab, because you can clearly no longer be trusted. But assuming your friends are dicks, and encourage this ridiculous idea, then the financial backers you approach should slap your face and send you home.
Clearly, the system has fallen apart. In protest, I am going to Sephora. Anyone want a ride?

Enough to make you weep, or scream

2007-10-02T21:38:00.000-07:00

By this point, unless you enjoy your life inside a box in the woods, you have heard of the *hem* Bratz, the scary ass, fat lip, giant headed, skinny torso, plastic dolls. They are dolls. Toys. Playthings. Upsetting and ugly, but dolls.
Then, they made some shitty animated movies starring the Bratz. Sad but true. Somewhat fitting, I guess.
Then, they made a shitty live action movie, based on the toys and the animated movies. Okay. Now we are pushing it a little, but I guess, if you are into that sort of thing, it is not completely horrible. I mean, it is a little horrible, but not completely.
Then, today, I saw an ad for Bratz dolls based on the movie. The movie they made from another movie that they made from dolls. AND THEY LOOKED DIFFERENT.
Then, my mind broke and now I only see unicorns.

Your birthday!

2007-09-27T13:22:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Veronica Ruth!
Welcome to the world baby girl...sorry about the state of things, but there is good stuff too. You were born in a great city. You have lots of people who already love you. You have amazing parents and a really cool big brother.
You were born on a Thursday, and it was, well, dark, because it was nighttime. I wasn't there or anything, so you should ask your Mom and Dad and auntie Lara more about it, but I thought I would tell you a little bit about your birthday.
Some people believe in horoscopes, so, according to them, you are a Libra. And according to the Chinese zodiac, you were born in the year of the Pig. Here is a list of people who have the same birthday as you, but I read that list, and you are certainly the best one on it. Meatloaf used to be much cooler. Avril rawx, but she is young yet, so it could all go sideways.
This year, the first day of the Jewish holiday Sukkot, is today. Which is kind of a neat holiday. It is a feast day, where people hang out, and eat and have fun and enjoy each other's company in a hut that they build. Which seems fitting for you, since we were all so looking forward to you and you were born at home.
The rest of the world news was kinda depressing and not suitable for babies, so, that is all for now.
We love you and can't wait to meet you. Happy birthday sweetie.

Made up

2007-09-20T23:44:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I didn't turn it on deliberately. We were watching the dreamy Jon Stewart that we had fakevo'd and when it was over, the TV was on Lifetime. And they were showing an infomerical hosted by the two main dudes from Air Supply. It was for a Time Life record collection (Time Life on Lifetime, Oprah, Uma, Uma, Oprah) of the soft "rock" of the 1970-80's. Obviously, the problems with that scenario abound, but their was one part, aside from claiming there was good music on these cd's, that was clearly made up. One of the "real people" who just LOVED all those soft hits, was named "Vickory Hexter" and it was a woman. OH COME ON! That is worse than the names of the women in my "stories". Vickory? Hexter?
And, incidentally, whatever Air Supply had, dried up and blew away mannny years ago.

Unclear

2007-09-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

So, today is the 6th anniversary of the attacks on the WTC and the Pentagon...which was an awful, horrible day and I really have no idea how people affected by those horrible, awful events got over it...I really don't.
But I am also not going to claim that I understand that pain. Or the confusion. Or the sense of fear. And people who claim that they do, who didn't know anyone directly affected, are liars and they dishonour the pain and memory of people GENUINELY affected by the attacks.
I was driving home the mall today and there was a group of about 15 people, dressed in red, white and blue clothes and hats, holding up raggedy-ass signs saying things like "9/11 Never Forget", which is fine, I guess. But one of them said, emphasized as I type it, "REAL Americans will never forget". And they were waving.
What the hell? What does that mean? What kind of shitty litmus test is that? Does waving and honking prove your "realness"?
And I bet not a single one of 'em knew anyone killed in the attacks or the aftermath. And I bet every single one of them co-oped the pain of true sufferers.
Why can't we be sympathetic without trying to be empathetic? Sometimes, you just don't know how someone else feels. That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a REAL person.
You can just say, "I am really sorry for YOUR pain" without sharing your own version, in fact, that actually helps much more.

About time

2007-09-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

I posted again...it has been a loong time...and I hate it when people don't update their blogs...unless you don't...then, I totally understand, you are really busy.
So...New York is the coolest city I have ever been to, next to here of course...and it is great for the ego...
Traveling with my much hotter, younger sister, I was rather expecting to be forced to listen to people expounding on her looks all the live long day and night but HA...it happened to me waay more.
Admittedly, it was probably just my usual thing, that I am the physical type that appeals mostly to crazy people, present company excepted, so she was been checked out much more, but by classy people who don't feel the need to scream and yell about their attraction in the streets.
And seriously, I like to watch people and I have never, in my life, seen more checking out of people than I saw there. Men, women...everyone...constantly...I saw an orthodox jew watching an empirically attractive girl in a tiny skirt and actually turn his head to keep watching her as she passed. And he was grinning.
So, Mayor Bloomberg, I have your new travel New York campaign..."If you feel unattractive, come to New York. Someone here thinks you are hot and wants to let you know."

Over

2007-07-29T23:49:00.001-07:00

Ahhhhh. Thank you all again for your help and love and support and tolerance. The party was great. my Beloved was surprised and overwhelmed...and it meant a lot to both of us. More than you will know in fact, so I say to you a big THANK YOU!!!
And at long last, the lying can stop. And, I may be every so slightly less scared of clowns...but not much.

Awesomeness

2007-07-28T11:41:00.001-07:00

So...here is a quote from the Mrs. International contest, responding to the "platform" question about the strategies for bringing Starlight house, a kids hospital, to remote areas of the world..."Starlight house is already international, having a presence in the United Kingdom and Australia, so we are already in remote parts of the world."
Wow. That remote? The population of the UK is approximately 59,834,300 people. And in Australia it is about 21 million...
Now...their are lots of layers to the word remote but here is the gist of the definition...
1. far apart; far distant in space; situated at some distance away: the remote jungles of Brazil.
2. out-of-the-way; secluded: a remote village; a remote mountaintop.
The UK is an island off the coast of the continent of Europe...which is only 2598 miles from the Northeastern most part of the US. And even Australia is only 4710 from the closest part of the US to the closest part of Australia. Yes, both a little far...but MAJOR places and one is a frickin' continent! I know that the US is the center of the world and everything, but wow. Learn some geography you silly bitch, especially if you are an "international businesswoman".
Surprisingly, despite this brilliant answer, she did not win...she did, however, come in second.
Hum the song if you know the words...Mr. Greenwood would want you to.

Slightly less wrong

2007-07-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

YAY! I'm slightly less of a perv now!

Deliberate

2007-07-22T01:54:00.000-07:00

I didn't forget a birthday tribute for my Beloved...I just decided that, I did (I think/hope) one for everyone and it was time for something new...
Any ideas?
But, incidently...HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYLOVEHUGBEARBUNNYBUTTLOVEPICKLE! i love You!

Not every day...

2007-07-12T16:08:00.002-07:00

That you get to see what I just saw...I was driving along...stopped at a light near a freeway overpass that hosts a lot of homeless people. I made the mistake of looking around as I waited and got to see something I have never seen...and hope to never see again.
A hobo, vomiting a little into his lap...gross right? Then, before I could look away, he projectile vomited mint green liquid on another, sleeping hobo. Then, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and started talking another hobo.
How was YOUR afternoon?

Weather

2007-07-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

Not sure if you are aware...but it is DISGUSTINGLY HOT! I could live anywhere, basically, but I choose to live in the Pacific Northwest because it isn't too hot or too cold...Right now, it is 95 degrees...that is around 33 for the canucks...THAT IS TOO HOT. Al Gore, turn it down please.

A little close to home

2007-07-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of political protest, or least, that is how it became a day of celebrating. By protest. I studied American History in college, just out of curiosity and the need of a few credits, but found it very interesting. So, today, in a bizarre post-coital discussion, I was trying to recall the nature of the Declaration but couldn't remember much...so TO THE TUBES!
And some of the similarities to the current political climate are more than eerie. The "he" refers to the King at the time of the writing, but another "Special friend" too, me thinks.

"He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people."

Ring any liberty bells?

America...of Independance.

2007-07-03T23:38:00.000-07:00

Is birthday. For New Country. Happy birthday for freedom of America.
IeIEIE!

Not bothering anyone I hope

2007-07-01T14:22:00.000-07:00

But...if no one minds...
HAPPY 140th CANADA!
In tribute, here are the words to the national anthem...

O Canada
Our home and native land
True, patriot love
In all our sons command
With glowing hearts
We see thee rise
The True North
Strong and free
From far and wide
O Canada
We stand on guard for thee
god, keep our land
Glorious and free
O Canada
We stand on guard for thee
O C-A-N-A-D-A
We stand on guard, for thee

En Francais

O Canada!
Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux.
Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,
Il sait porter la croix.
Ton histoire est une épopée,
Des plus brillants exploits.
Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

I think we can all agree the French words are much more rousing...In any case, have a beer, some bacon and watch some Canadian t.v. or film. Happy Canada Day!

Done.

2007-06-17T10:53:00.001-07:00

It is over. It was fine and maybe even a little fun. I will write more, but I am alive and thought I should mention it.

Procrastination

2007-06-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

Meh. I still haven't written it. I have abouuuut...40 hours. And I plan to try to sleep for at least 16 of them. I suck.

Not that bad

2007-06-08T11:39:00.000-07:00

So, I just got a copy of the infamous speech. It isn't that bad. They are big stupid babies. I coulda been waaay meaner. So, forgive me for the next few days...I am going to be in full fledged "COMEDY" mode. And I need your help. Thanks. You are swell.

Bumper sticker baby...

2007-05-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

Here is my new philosophy...But I don't know if you are supposed to use quotes when you said it...so i will use the partial quote 'Normal is for people not creative enough to be interesting.'
So, today and everyday LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY! FREAK PRIDE!

Truth, man.

2007-05-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

From Yahoo news:

"The 10 rainiest cities in the U.S. by amount of annual rainfall include:

Mobile, Alabama--67 inches average annual rainfall; 59 average annual rainy days Pensacola, Florida--65 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days New Orleans, Louisiana--64 inches average annual rainfall; 59 average annual rainy days West Palm Beach, Florida--63 inches average annual rainfall; 58 average annual rainy days Lafayette, Louisiana--62 inches average annual rainfall; 55 average annual rainy days Baton Rouge, Louisiana--62 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days Miami, Florida--62 inches average annual rainfall; 57 average annual rainy days Port Arthur, Texas--61 inches average annual rainfall; 51 average annual rainy days Tallahassee, Florida--61 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual rainy days Lake Charles, Louisiana--58 inches average annual rainfall; 50 average annual rainy days"

YEAH! So, suck it stereotypers: "Oh you live in Seattle? So do you have gills instead of lungs?" Washington doesn't even appear on the list until #24 and that is Olympia!

Docuhorror

2007-05-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

I just invented a new genre. Docuhorror. The kind of documentary that is made specifically to scare the living crap out of you...The Gore documentary about weather is, at least this is the impression I get, intended to inspire us to act, to get passionate and care and do crap or something. The ones I am talking about are the ones that inform you about something that you can do little or nothing about. And that scares the crap out of you. Like Michael Moore documentaries* or the one I just watched, Jesus Camp by Heidi Ewing and Rachael Grady.
I know this is the second in a row with a religious bent, and I apologize for that, but this movie scared the crap out of me.
I believe that everyone has the right to do, or say or think what they want under one very important stipulation. Your rights end where the next guys nose begins. And you have a responsibility, if you are a parent, to allow your kids those same rights. I also think that parents have an obligation to teach their kids TO think, not what to think.
But, that aside, the two things I mostly wanted to talk about, other than the sheer blind terror I was experiencing for the entire run of the film, were, my mom's reaction and what I would want if I was a god.
So, we watched it with my agnostic/atheist family and my mom kept interjecting "I don't see what the problem is?" "Why are you getting so mad?" "What is the difference between this and child abuse?" Because I am suuuch an advocate of child abuse. My sister and I, who were drinking heavily, were explaining that the problem isn't the belief in god, or the belief in a faith based moral code, but in the teaching kids to be spiritual warriors, teaching them to be afraid for the immortal souls of their friends who watch Spongebob and teaching them that they are hypocrites who need to "get right with god". Some of these kids didn't even have their permanent teeth yet, let alone the need to be saved. And I don't think kids should be politicized. They should be taught tolerance and what is good and bad, but I don't think they should be praying outside the White House with plastic fetuses taped to their hands with tape over their mouths with the world "Live" written on it.
I went to the website of the preacher who ran the titular camp (her name is Becky Fischer) and I needed to share this quote "But let me also explain that because of all the misconceptions about the supposed "political activism" going on in the film. Our teachings and equipping of children does not center around politics. In fact we never viewed our activities as political until we saw them through the eyes of secular filmmakers. "
Well. There you have it. You are right Ma. No harm in that. Another interesting point made on this website, by Becky is why the focus on kids, rather than teens or even adults capable of reason. "Statistics show that by the time a child is 7 to 9 years old his/her moral moorings are already cast in stone, and whatever he/she believes by the time he/she is 13 they will generally die believing unless something catastrophic happens in his/her life to turn them around. I clearly remember Catholics and Communists both saying years ago saying "Give us a child until they are seven years old and we will have them for life!" They know something Christians don't know."
The joke writes itself about the 7 yr old and the Catholics and this isn't about cheap digs, so I will glide onto my next thought.
Secondly, (and seriously, I am going be mad about this for a long ass time, so you will hear more) as my dear friend said "It's not a good idea to screw up the teaching of the one you believe will judge you one day". Pretty sure god didn't, or doesn't want kids tormented with the thought of their souls burning in hell because they weren't evangelical enough in first grade! But, then again, maybe I am wrong. Maybe these people are right. Maybe god wants kids scared and crying ALL the time. Maybe having blind following is a huge ego trip that god likes. Personally, I would rather have people who have made thoughtful choice and consideration agree with me because I am right, not because they are scared I will murder them if they don't.
There are tons of websites about this documentary, both pro and con, but I gotta say, there is nothing more terrifying that the blindly faithful. Especially when they are too young to drive. In fact, most of them are too young to babysit. Kids are not tools. People who use kids are tools.

Good News!

2007-05-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

As you may know, I am an atheist; To quote Mr. Douglas Adams (whom, before his death, my husband would have left me for given the chance) "It isn't that I don't believe that god exists, it is that I actively believe there is no god." But, unlike many atheists, I can discuss god with people who do believe without screaming "THERE IS NO GOD!" In fact, some of my closest friends are people of faith and I respect their belief as they respect mine (although I am sure the giggle quietly about my place in hell).
This does not prevent me from anthropomorphizing the god that our culture talks about. In the old testament, god was always "smiting" people...with another friend, it has been decided "smote" is a liquid, that god stirs, in a big cauldron while he watches his creations from the clouds. And he must have a sense of humour, look to the platypus (That is from something but I don't know what...shiny nickel for anyone who tells me). And I know that there are a helluva a lot of assholes who do terrible things to innocent people and hide behind their god, who frankly also thinks they are assholes.
Despite a lack of a faith based moral compass, I try to be a goodish person. That includes not actively wishing bad things to befall people...unless they really, really deserve it. Which brings me to my point. JERRY FALWELL IS DEAD!
Couldn'ta happened to a nicer guy. I hope he was in pain. And for just a brief moment, I hoped that the afterlife is whatever people think it is, so that those who believe in heaven and hell go there. And I hope god punched Falwell in the face and then ass raped him. And then laughed in his face and called him a faggot. And then I hope that there is reincarnation and I hope Falwell comes back as a poor, crippled, black queer. And I hope his parents hate him.
Rot in your grave you sick piece of crap. I just wish your death had been more prolonged.

Tricky

2007-05-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

I am in sunny CA. And by sunny, I mean liquifyingly hot. I honour and admire all those who can get it up for the 900th sunny day in a row...but I don't think I could ever live here. Having tons of fun though...
Because of the acursed internet, despite being out of town, I am still in touch with the world. And by world I mean my sucky 10th reunion committee. And it is shaping up to be a doozy. It is slated to be at a slightly skeezy bar in Steveston. Woot. And another event at the school. Oy.
But, I got a message today on facebook asking me to give the speech I gave at grad again with some updates, for the school event. And I don't know what to do.
Our school had three speakers at our grad who were elected by the student body...one was the "Spirit Speaker" who talked about school events and trips and clubs, "Valedictorian" who talked about the future and the inspiring crap, and the "Class Historian" who was supposed to gently poke fun at all the antics the class had gotten up to over the years.
I was said CH. And my speech destrpyed the universe. Well, not quite the universe, but it did cause a stir. Most people liked it. The people who didn't stopped talking to me. There were meetings with the school admin and parents. Teachers were divided in the staffroom into supporting me and supporting the butt of many of the jokes, the class president, who we will call Pigeon.
It was my job to tease people from all walks of the school life...to include all...not just my own friends and teachers...which I did. But some took it badly. Like vowing to never talk to me again badly. Admittedly, they probably did get over it. But still...it tainted a fun night. I got a standing ovation. And then ignored and hated.
Whatever. Fuck 'em. I'm doing it. I don't care. If they can't take a joke...well, I won't be surprised.

GRINDHOUSE BABY

2007-04-20T00:24:00.000-07:00

Just...see it. GO! STOP READING THIS! GOOOOOOO SEE GRINDHOUSE! NOWWW! DOOOITIIITITIT

CHEWABLE!

2007-04-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

I just saw an ad about for chewable birth control. Chewable. Mint flavoured. Birth control. If you need chewable birth control, you are too young to be having the sex.
Take a Flintstone vitamin, and take your profile off myspace. Because you are 10.

A Sad day for books

2007-04-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

Kurt Vonnegut died today. He was amazing and everything I ever wanted to be in my dotage. He was brave, and funny and courageous and smart and the world is a worse place for his loss. Here is my pathetic attempt at a tribute.
This is a blog. Blogs are for people to write things that they think are interesting and hope their friends like them more. Blogs don't make people like you.
RIP Kurt.

Weird.

2007-04-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

So, my old job doesn't exist anymore and everyone who had the job got fired. And it is wigging me out.
I am obsessed with the notion that every major, and even the minor, decision affects the outcome of ones life. So, if we hadn't moved to the New Nation and the New Job, I would be unemployed and my Heart would be (presumably) trying to support us on part time hardware store money.
Another yay for our decision.
And a shout out to Andrew, the bitchiest boss to get me loaded. Love ya hon...you were a shitty boss, but I love you and you taught me a lot.

Another fallen comrade in Frenchforarms

2007-04-03T16:09:00.000-07:00

You were black. You were usually too high for public. You were a little imperfect with tendencies for peripheral vision.
But you are gone. Farewell little friend.
A shiny prize for the first correct guess as to what is gone.

OLDNESS

2007-04-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

So, this is my blog. I get to say whatever I want. I am, officially, old tomorrow. Well, not old, old, but, older than I was. Which, I reckon, is true of every day but your last. At any rate...I have very carefully calculated my life so that with about 3 or 4 exceptions, all of the most important people in my life are older than me. But the downside is that I never get to complain about being old.
To be honest, I really don't feel older, but that is largely because I have always felt old. I know that one must mature and change over the course of time and perhaps I have, but I honestly *feel* like I am pretty well the same as I was 10 years ago. So, I dunno.
I do have a strong sense that there is so much I wanted to have done by this point in my life that I have yet to do, but as the Spamlottians say "I am not dead yet". There was an excellent episode of Mad About You
Wherein they show a montage of Paul's birthdays, including his annual birthday walk, which he takes in Central Park, to think over the past year of his life. And had always taken alone, until the year Jamie was in his life...it was sweet and funny and romantic and I always think of it this time of year. I always liked the idea of doing that, The Birthday Walk, but I spent enough time in self reflection, so I never did it.
But, all in all, last year,in terms of my own development and life, wasn't half bad. I moved to another country, which doesn't happen all that often; I managed to orchestrate, god, three moves, or maybe four; my hair is longer and different colours; I've lost weight (and gained some, but the loss was greater); I've started exercising quasi-regularly; I launched a new blog that will guarantee me infamy (http://shellswickpresents.blogspot.com/), if not fame and fortune...there is bad stuff too, of course, but that seems to matter less. Maybe that is a benefit of aging, the bad stuff seems less catastrophic for the most part.
I welcome you, my 28th birthday and the year it holds. Bring it on.

March 18th

2007-03-19T01:40:00.000-07:00

I wanted to say something about March 18th, but I am not sure how this is going to come out, and it might be hard for some of us to read at this time., so just a little warning
As many of you know, 4 years ago today, Rich lost his mom to cancer, and possibly Parkinsons. She had a truly terrible time the last few months and I know the family was relieved she was finally out of her torment when she let go. Charlene fastinates me still. There are so many things about her that contradict that I truly can't get a handle on who she really was as I, unfortunately didn't get to know her at all really. But I can't help feeling (and I know this is incredibly selfish) a little cheated in not getting to have the opportunity to know her, good, bad or both.
I believe firmly that we cannot be the people we are without all of the people we have known in our lives, and I think that, good or bad, those encounters are necessary. My husband is a truly amazing man, and, good or bad, his parents made him that way. Because, with them, he wouldn't believe in the things he believes in, he wouldn't be so passionate about the things he is passionate about, whether or not they encouraged those beliefs or passions.
So, I guess, in a roundabout way, I am trying to say, I am sorry I never got to thank Charlene for her son. And I don't believe in an Afterlife, and I am sure that Heaven wouldn't have the internet anyway, but, maybe it is good karma to say that kinda stuff out loud...so...
Charlene, I know you didn't always understand your son, and I know that you didn't really see eye to eye with him, but he is an amazing man, despite all that. I know you would be proud of him, now more than ever and I wish you could see all that he has done since you last saw him and I wish we could both help him see even more of his dreams realized. I wish you two could have grown closer as he aged and maybe even found some common ground. You do share some traits and I wonder if you knew that and wish you could have talked more about the stuff you both loved, instead of the things that seperated you. But I think he knows you loved him as best you could and I am trying to carry that on and fill in the gaps. I love him enough for you and me, so I think I can do it. Thank you for sharing him with me.

257

2007-03-19T01:27:00.000-07:00

In 257 sleeps, I, and a few other Fabulous Folks, will be in Disneyworld. Is it too early yet to be too excited to sleep? Apparently, I don't care if it is or not, cuz I can't. Can we afford it? Hell no. Is it irresponsible? Hell yes. Do I care? Not so much. Just, don't tell my mom. I have about 100 days or so to figure this one out. Maybe longer.
Incidently , I still need to lose about 150 lbs for my reunion on June 18th. Maybe it is time for plan B, which was to GAIN 150 lbs and still be the talk of the reunion. Or plan C which is to still go and not give a flying crap what anyone thinks because I was this fat in high school and they all have no where to go but fatter.
Think any of my highly over achieving ex-classmates will care about Disneyworld? Me neither. But feck them. Most 'em still live in Richmond.

About time.

2007-02-25T22:41:00.000-08:00

Congrats Marty! It's about fracking time!
And, Jennifer Hudson...American Idol voters can SUCK IT! You have an Oscar and Fantasia Barrino has a shite book. So...ner.

NEW!

2007-02-22T14:53:00.000-08:00

Here. Don't judge me.

MY BLOGGIVERSARY

2007-02-18T12:53:00.000-08:00

One year of blogging. I've lived. I've loved. I've laughed. I feel a little taller, a little shorter, a little smart and a little dumber.
I am launching a second blog for my secret love and my secret shame. But I am going to keep this one going as well since the second one will be very focus on one thing.
I appreciate all the comments (and by appreciate, I mean live for) and will endevour in the coming year to be even more comment worthy.
Live, love, blog.

i hate myself for that last line. That is not the sort of thing I am aspiring to. I apologize.

Right, that apology was a little silly. So, sorry. Won't do that anymore either. So, no more pat cliche, needlpointisms, and no silly apologizes afterward. THIS I AVOW!
And, Happy President's Day, apparently.

Birthday Tributes A Deux

2007-02-18T12:31:00.000-08:00

Your name is Deb and it is your birthday! You like coffee and you have a parrot. You make cool kids and you like to run. You are good at school and you like '80's music. You were a model and you make good food. You take cool pictures and you have a great dog. You have a sweet tooth and you are from Utah. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEB!

Birthday Tributes A Deux

2007-02-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

Age before beauty in this case...

Your name is Chris and it is your birthday! You have funny facial hair and you like Star Wars. You hire your friends and you like pickles. You have a cool green car and you collect Tiki stuff. You have groovy shirts and you like meat. You listen to beepy music and you like Muppets. You are a graphic artist and you have a cool house. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!

Oma, The Beautiful

2007-02-08T21:20:00.000-08:00

Best/Worst/Best again Oma quote EVER.
"The gays I can accept; It’s the lesbians that tick me off. They are so bold, kissing in the street. I mean gays I understand, but I mean to see a woman do it...”
Golly, she sure is swell.

Birthday Tribute

2007-01-16T15:17:00.000-08:00

Your name is Melanie and you are 28! You like polar fleece and you deliver babies. You make awesome cheese dip and are very nice. You like to watch The Godfather and you have a blue SUVlette. You hate your curly hair and you have been to Florida. You miss weather and you like sushi. You like shopping and know lots of kids. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELANIE!

A lotta underpants

2007-01-11T18:13:00.000-08:00

I just did 10 loads of laundry. 10. So, not only is that a lot of work, but it means we are dirty filthy pigs with too many dirty clothes. I still have about 5 or 6 more to do, but I am out of quarters and patience.
$16.25 just for the records.
Yay snow day.

HAPPY

2007-01-10T15:37:00.000-08:00

I am watching Midnight Cowboy and packing. I take a quick Chicken Invader break, die, look up and see SNOW! It ain't much, but it was a cool moment. Watching Jon Voight try to hustle and watching the snow. What could be more beautiful?

Prince Philip

2007-01-07T14:49:00.000-08:00

'During the Kenya Independence Ceremonies in 1964, there was a short hiatus in the programme just before midnight, when the Union Jack was due to come down for the last time. Prince Philip turned to Jomo Kenyatta and asked "Are you sure you don't want to change your mind?"'

-The Wit (empathsis mine ed.) of Prince Philip

Wow. What a guy.

Happy New Year

2007-01-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

May this year see your dreams come true and have them be what you hoped they would be and not some horrible disappointment like when you wanted some fabulous new toy that broke when you took it out of the box.
Not profound, but there ya go.

A very Fluevog Christmas

2006-12-19T11:48:00.000-08:00

YAY! Yadayada materialisim sucks...but I GOT FLUEVOGS FOR CHRISTMAS! i love YOU!

Suzy's B-day Tribute

2006-12-13T18:40:00.000-08:00

Your name is Suzy (but also Susan), you are nice and it is your birthday! You have red hair but it used to be blonde. You have many pets and like tea. You like the colour lavander and are an awesome opera singer. You work for doctors and like old movies. You like to knit and peanuts/fish make you swell up. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUZY!

Bad Witching

2006-11-30T11:36:00.000-08:00

We were watching a show about the best aquariums in the world the other day and I was telling Mr B. about an incident when I was a kid when a whale was doing a show with the trainer and the trainer got killed but the whale kept doing the routine...And then I see this!
Intellectually, I know I didn't make this happen. I am just not that signifigant in the universe, but jesus...this is getting creepy.

Another Celeb Paradox

2006-11-30T11:25:00.000-08:00

So, because I can't ever remember that I don't have to watch commercials, I never stop the TiVo (I know, it's not really a TiVo, but I want it to be) and always see the ads. There was just an ad promoting the Dukes of Hazzard movie, availble on HD...fine, whatever. But, I don't understand how Jessica Simpson, who is FROM TEXAS, can't do a southern accent. How is that possible? You are from there. In the ad she sounds like a brit trying to do a texan. She IS texan. What the hell? No wonder the one true love of the century failed.
I miss the snow.

Just a little braggin

2006-11-16T22:00:00.000-08:00

Despite the badness of the past few days...I have manged to almost finish my christmas shopping. GOD I love having a US address. YAY online shopping...That is one well organized series of tubes!

Awesomeness

2006-11-01T22:27:00.000-08:00

This was on the Flying Spaghetti Monster site...And it is awesome. I particularly like the use of "all of ya'll". Just awesome.

"All of ya’ll who believe this queer ass religion

Published by henderob November 1st, 2006 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism).

All of ya’ll who believe this queer ass religion are just a bunch of fucking nerds who have nothing better to do then just make up ridiculous shitty ass crap like this. Along with that fact, anyone who believes this stupid religion has a drinking problem, all of ya’ll drink douche water.

-someone"

Not a monopoly but...

2006-10-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

So, our old t.v. is living in our bedroom until it moves back to Canada but it isn't hooked up for any kind of cable other than what comes out of the magic tv cord in the wall. On Thursday Mr. B was working from home and I went into the bedroom to wrangle some laundry and I turned it on. Fearing the EIGHT christian channels that I bumped into on random tv search, I turned to the T.VGuide channel...And it wasn't there. Just a message saying "The T.VGuide channel has been purchased by Comcast Digital. Please call Comcast to sign up for this great service." Evil.
Well...I guess it IS free enterprise...evil...but free enterprise.

A depressing thought.

2006-10-23T13:34:00.000-07:00

Last night, Mr. B and i were driving home and past the ol' Pier...I saw the Crimble decorations and actually got a little nostalgic. I actually missed opening all those little tiny boxes and seeing all the Crimble coming out. And I didn't get to have shite coffee at 2 AM, rushing to finish putting the decorations out, decorating trees and having glitter fights. And then drive home, exhausted, and wait to hear a million people complain the next day that "it just gets earlier and earlier every year doesn't it?" when it really doesn't and the only reason it's out now is because people buy it and if they didn't, it wouldn't be out so stop complaining.
Wait...nostalgia just past.

The home of the brave

2006-10-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, I love living here. I really do. But there are certain things that I miss about my nation...that is, however, another post, this post is about something terrifying I saw on tv last night that could only happen here, in the US.
KFC now offers a feed bowl. The bottom layer is mashed potatoes, followed by corn ?!, and chicken fried gristle, and gravy and cheese. And cheese. Gravy and cheese on your cornpotatoechicken.
Oh man, thank god. I didn't have enough time for plates, with all those seperate food areas. Thank you KFC for packaging hog slop.
Mmmgood.

Tales from the Oma side

2006-10-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

Oma is german for grandmother. My grandmother is not german (at least not since the 1800's). We call her Oma because she worked with a lady name Ursala, who was german, and her grandkids called her that and Oma liked the sound of it.
As it turns out Ursala's dad was Hitler's assistant. That's right. Hitler. Not Fred Hitler, tailor, but actual, real Adolf "Doesn't Play Well with Others" Hitler. And when Ursala's dad (not sure if he was Himmler or Goebbels) got cancer, he took a Fuerer approved draft of pearl and mushroom juice. And, of course, being made from pearls and mushrooms, it cost $10,000. Per draft. And the guy died. Broke. From heart disease.
I wonder what colour the sky is in Oma's world.

Crack

2006-10-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

Lifetime is crack for people with my shite movie/tv addiction. I am watching Meredith Baxter-Birney in shiny tights doing aerobics and binging and purging. They are sooo earnest. And Ed Asner is awesome as the doctor who saves a life AND a marriage.
I LOVE IT.

ANGIE DAY

2006-10-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGIE! Your name is Angie and you are nice. You are short and your hair is funky. You like monkeys and orange. You make cakes and you like make-up. You worked for Betsey Johnson and you like fall. You drink Diet Rite and you draw olives. You read cool books and you like the internet.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Race relations. Circa: Soooo long ago

2006-10-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

I have a very deep affection for gut wrenchingly bad movies and tv shows. And I just indulged that fetish to an alarming degree. I just watched the classic 1979 race busting gang flick, "Walk Proud" starring, well, starring is a strong word, and lets face it, these people were never heard from again.
A young Chicano gangbanger falls in love with...Sarah, the daughter of a yachting periadonist (White, party of 2) and decides to leave his gang...Los Aztecas. But I am getting ahead of myself. He wooed her with his ability to push vehicles out of the road and his plaid shirt and use of the word machismo. He talks about his gang pride to his friends and lies to her and the angry black cop who is always busting the AZTECAS balls. But then, he has to go to Mexico for a funeral and learns a heartbreaking secret. Turns out, his long lost dad is...WHITE! So, he leaves the gang. The credit roll. Over the credits, they play a song called "Adios Tomorrow".
Oh, and, his cousin celebrated her 15th birthday presentation and the band that plays wear shiny blue spandex covered in sequins. While the gang members disco.
Best. Movie. Ever.

Fall. At last.

2006-10-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

The past three days have absolutely proven that is now fall. YAY! I love it. The colours, the leaves, (canadian) Thanksgiving, the halloween candy...the crazed retail ramp up for Christmas...wait...I AM NOT INVOLVED THIS YEAR!!! I love THIS fall!

My very own Barbie Dream house...only with gargoyles

2006-09-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God. My Beloved and i must own this house. We are going to take up filthy nasty profitable habits to ensure we can buy it before we are to old to enjoy it. Anyone writing wills, please take that into consideration. I am going to buy some lottery tickets and some packing boxes. The link is in the title.

Unacceptable

2006-09-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

I am sure to get smug posts from homeowners...but...now that I am FINALLY starting to almost maybe feel a little better, I have been moving stuff around our apartment, and by stuff I mean boxes. Unpacked boxes (that one is for you Steve-o!). As we plan to move, we decided not to do anymore unpacking as the thought of moving again (my 18th I think, in 27 years of life) makes me physically ill and the thought of packing even more so...ANYWAY in moving stuff around I have discovered areas of the carpet I hadn't seen since moving in. There were issues with the previous building manager who SWORE she would get them cleaned (and didn't), which lucky we have written proof of...so, what I learned today is...PEOPLE ARE PIGS! Honestly. Truly vile. I am sickened.
And with that...CMON OVER YALL! (just, keep your shoes on and, maybe throw them out when you leave)

Witching.

2006-09-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

Alright, I need to purge this creepy power from my mind. Maybe writing about it will work. I have an upsetting power that I can't harness or understand. It's occurrence is so common, we have taken to calling it "witching". This sounds silly but I assure you, it is a dark and haunting power that makes no sense and causes me much anxiety.
I can make pop culture appear. If I mention a movie, actor, song...most of the time within a few days, it will be on, have a publicity resurgence, or be played or mentioned. This appears to be a completely random act. It doesn't happen all the time. But very very very frequently. Like all unharnessed powers, I cannot make it work to my profit or detriment. Which is good. I just can't explain it.
The other day, I was mentioning a VERY obscure French animation film from my childhood (The Last Unicorn), to the fabulous Miss Olive. I am watching it on TV right now. The other night Mister B and i were watching a Benson marathon on the blessed TVland and I spotted Philip Baker Hill on the episode, who is not very often in modern stuff, which I commented on...last night, Magnolia was on.
These are just the most recent examples of witchings. There are MILLIONS of them. And I can't explain it, or control it. I have no doubt it will destroy my life and drive me into the madhouse. That black, black magic. Please turn on your radios and wait for Frank Sinatra.

Four years! F-O-U-R years! FOUR years!

2006-09-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

Warning: This post will be excessively mushy and personal. Not for the faint of heart.

To my Love and our four crazy years of marriage...

i love You. i can't tell You how often i think about how empty my life would be without You. Before You, i didn't know how all consuming love could be. i couldn't understand how anyone could want to spend an entire lifetime with the same person...now i suspect a lifetime won't be long enough to show You how much You mean to me.
i love Your eyes. i love Your passion for the things You love. i love Your devotion to those close to You. i love the way You hug me so tight. i love Your lips. i love that You stay awake late and giggle with me. i love that You think it's cute when i get all crazy and Safewayey. i love that look You get when You thought of something funny that would make me roll my eyes at You. i love that can fix stuff. i love that You talk me out of my head. i love that You taught me how to like things i thought i hated (for no good reason). i love how You look in a tux. i love that we are always touching some part of each other when we sleep. i love that You know when i am upset even when i try not to be. i love the fire in Your eyes when You start a project You feel strongly about. i love that i can tell You 9 million times a day that i love You and i love that i feel bad when i can't. i love that You tell me 9 million times a day that You love me. i love that You let me ask You the same thing over and over until i am calm, even though it pisses You off that i don't believe You the first time. i love that You don't like popcorn but You know i can't watch a movie without it. i love that You understand about my family and i love that You are okay with sharing Yours. i love that we like so many of the same things and i am learning to love all the things of each others that we hate. i love that You laugh when i embarass myself in public and hug me and tell me it's cute (especially that one thing i do a lot). i love that You brought me into Your world and let me love Your friends as my own. i love that You like my friends, even though we are a hard group to break into. i love that You understand me. And i love that i understand You. i love that You dream big and find a way to make them come true.
You are my world. And THAT you can print.

Lung goo

2006-09-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

Alright, I went to the damned doctor. I have a bacterial lung infection; I ever got an X-ray. I got liquid vicadon for my cough. The world looks mushy but I love the hamsters.

AI AI AI

2006-08-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

i am in America! Had a lovely, if somewhat upsetting party upon my arrivalnd now own more patriotic fun than i ever...er...dreamed of? Thanks for such a star spangled welcome.
And as to my ROCKIN Friday night party, it was the perfect way to leave my beloveds.

PRIDE

2006-08-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

HAPPY (Vancouver) PRIDE!! A great time to reflect on wonderful friends and what freedoms we have to be living when and where we do. And a time to help us look forward to what else we can to to make this world truly free for EVERY single person regardless of gender, sexuality, colour, or belief system.
*steps of soapbox and gets into her beads for the parade*

My First Broken Bone

2006-08-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

I broke my baby toe. I already have the most deformed toes in the world. I guess, they are kinda cute in their own bizarre way, but now, the left baby toe is broken, it will surely heal in an even more deformed shape. Oh well. At least now maybe I will know when it is going to rain. I always wanted a weather predicting body part.
It has actually come as quite a shock that my first broken limb came at 27 as I am and always have been rather a klutz. I blame my inner ear problems and my perpetual ear infections as a kid for my complete lack of balance or depth perception. I was/am always bruising myself or falling down with seemingly no provocation. So much so that, when I was a little klutz, my parents used to tell me, after showing off (or more honestly screaming about) a new injury "If you can't be nicer to Shelly, we aren't going to let you play with her anymore". Nice. No wonder I have the other people living in my head.

The cat and the bag

2006-07-24T23:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess, it's old news but yeah, I got the visa. Once again, I had o explain how we met. Oy. I really think we need to cook up a better meet story. At any rate, the projected date for my new life to begin is August 12th.
This means...FAREWELL VANCOUVER party August 11th. Location TBD...any volunteers?

Forget About It Jake, It's...

Flattering? I guess?

A fetish!

Edumacational, and true

A great idea!

Laughably sad

My sick brain

A bad mood cure

Copyrighted!

Official!

Preaching to the Choir, but preach on

Remembrance Day

Celebrebabies

Baffling

A new post!

Not the first time, but still upsetting...

Sweet Dreams,I guess?

Indiana Jones and the TEMPLE OF AWESOME!!!

The good ol' day?

A bad idea

Fitness baby!

Just tasty

Lucky.

Beyond vile.

TWINS!

All Happening!

EXTREME!

Back, baby!

Lovely. And yet, I am mad.

Christmas!

Wacky, yet rewarding *spoilersish*

11 days from now

Disturbing

LizawithaZeenotLisawithanEsscuzLizawithaZeegoeszznotsss

Sad, but not surprising

No. No.

One of the stupidist things ever

Enough to make you weep, or scream

Your birthday!

Made up

Unclear

About time

Over

Awesomeness

Slightly less wrong

Deliberate

Not every day...

Weather

A little close to home

America...of Independance.

Not bothering anyone I hope

Done.

Procrastination

Not that bad

Bumper sticker baby...

Truth, man.

Docuhorror

Good News!

Tricky

GRINDHOUSE BABY

CHEWABLE!

A Sad day for books

Weird.

Another fallen comrade in Frenchforarms

OLDNESS

March 18th

257

About time.

NEW!

MY BLOGGIVERSARY

Birthday Tributes A Deux

Birthday Tributes A Deux

Oma, The Beautiful

Birthday Tribute

A lotta underpants

HAPPY

Prince Philip

Happy New Year

A very Fluevog Christmas

Suzy's B-day Tribute

Wacky, yet rewarding spoilersish