March 18th
I wanted to say something about March 18th, but I am not sure how this is going to come out, and it might be hard for some of us to read at this time., so just a little warning
As many of you know, 4 years ago today, Rich lost his mom to cancer, and possibly Parkinsons. She had a truly terrible time the last few months and I know the family was relieved she was finally out of her torment when she let go. Charlene fastinates me still. There are so many things about her that contradict that I truly can't get a handle on who she really was as I, unfortunately didn't get to know her at all really. But I can't help feeling (and I know this is incredibly selfish) a little cheated in not getting to have the opportunity to know her, good, bad or both.
I believe firmly that we cannot be the people we are without all of the people we have known in our lives, and I think that, good or bad, those encounters are necessary. My husband is a truly amazing man, and, good or bad, his parents made him that way. Because, with them, he wouldn't believe in the things he believes in, he wouldn't be so passionate about the things he is passionate about, whether or not they encouraged those beliefs or passions.
So, I guess, in a roundabout way, I am trying to say, I am sorry I never got to thank Charlene for her son. And I don't believe in an Afterlife, and I am sure that Heaven wouldn't have the internet anyway, but, maybe it is good karma to say that kinda stuff out loud...so...
Charlene, I know you didn't always understand your son, and I know that you didn't really see eye to eye with him, but he is an amazing man, despite all that. I know you would be proud of him, now more than ever and I wish you could see all that he has done since you last saw him and I wish we could both help him see even more of his dreams realized. I wish you two could have grown closer as he aged and maybe even found some common ground. You do share some traits and I wonder if you knew that and wish you could have talked more about the stuff you both loved, instead of the things that seperated you. But I think he knows you loved him as best you could and I am trying to carry that on and fill in the gaps. I love him enough for you and me, so I think I can do it. Thank you for sharing him with me.
As many of you know, 4 years ago today, Rich lost his mom to cancer, and possibly Parkinsons. She had a truly terrible time the last few months and I know the family was relieved she was finally out of her torment when she let go. Charlene fastinates me still. There are so many things about her that contradict that I truly can't get a handle on who she really was as I, unfortunately didn't get to know her at all really. But I can't help feeling (and I know this is incredibly selfish) a little cheated in not getting to have the opportunity to know her, good, bad or both.
I believe firmly that we cannot be the people we are without all of the people we have known in our lives, and I think that, good or bad, those encounters are necessary. My husband is a truly amazing man, and, good or bad, his parents made him that way. Because, with them, he wouldn't believe in the things he believes in, he wouldn't be so passionate about the things he is passionate about, whether or not they encouraged those beliefs or passions.
So, I guess, in a roundabout way, I am trying to say, I am sorry I never got to thank Charlene for her son. And I don't believe in an Afterlife, and I am sure that Heaven wouldn't have the internet anyway, but, maybe it is good karma to say that kinda stuff out loud...so...
Charlene, I know you didn't always understand your son, and I know that you didn't really see eye to eye with him, but he is an amazing man, despite all that. I know you would be proud of him, now more than ever and I wish you could see all that he has done since you last saw him and I wish we could both help him see even more of his dreams realized. I wish you two could have grown closer as he aged and maybe even found some common ground. You do share some traits and I wonder if you knew that and wish you could have talked more about the stuff you both loved, instead of the things that seperated you. But I think he knows you loved him as best you could and I am trying to carry that on and fill in the gaps. I love him enough for you and me, so I think I can do it. Thank you for sharing him with me.
posted by shellswick at 1:40 a.m.
2 Comments:
Oh, baby...I had to take a moment when I read this.
The otherwise useless Orson Scott Card had a good idea in his novel Speaker For The Dead, the sequel to Ender's Game. The idea was that a Speaker For The Dead would try to summarize a person's life, the good and bad parts, in honest, objective fashion. Rather than try to justify or condemn, they would try to understand the person, how they became the person they were.
I think I need to do this for my mom. Yes, she was capable of some shocking moments of ignorance, insensitivity, and downright malice. But...some of my greatest memories are of her, and I can see aspects of her personality in myself. If you had gotten to know her (and I truly wish you had, and it meant a lot to me that she did get to meet you, and see that I found someone better than that troll who drove such a wedge between us), it would explain a lot, and I mean A LOT, about who I am now.
Charlene Rae Campbell Bowen, I will be your Speaker For The Dead.
I am truly lucky to have known Chris' mom. Your post made me cry.
Rich may have lost his mom, but he has a wonderful wife!
Angie
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