Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A bad idea

to post while overwrought with non-consensual emotions...However, it has been a long ass time and apparently I have too much in my head at the moment to sleep...so I will write it down because , while I find journaling pretentious, apparently I find blogging charmingly self-effacing?

Before I commence whingeing, I want to thank everyone for birthday wishes and for celebrating with me, either in person or in spirit. It does a girl proud to have so many amazing people she can call friends...Thank you all. And I realize this is very late, so sorry about that.

To the whinge! I thought, perhaps, this year I could live without having my brain turn to "birthday" mode...but apparently I was wrong. I never seem to get all that reflective around New Years, but my stupid birthday just sets me off. And I am having a hard time with my age this year. Which is a year premature, as far as I can figure, but annoying nonetheless.
I realized, intellectually, that technically, 29 isn't that old anymore. If 30 is the new 20, I am just a teen still, but I don't feel 19. Or 20. I feel 29.
Basically, I feel that I haven't done enough with those years. I went to bed one night when I was 21 and woke up and 8 years had gone by. Maybe everyone feels like that. Maybe Sondheim wakes up everyday thinking he should have written 10 more shows, maybe Marie Curie thought she should have found more....um...science, but those dudes did stuff.
I have said before that I often feel like Salleri (from the movie Amadeus, I don't know how he ACTUALLY felt)...I am cursed with desires/dream that I don't seem to be able to do anything about, for various reasons; mostly fear and laziness, which is a lethal combo.
So, in keeping with that New Yearsy vibe, I think I will make a few resolutions. I am only airing them, quasi-publically, so that I will have to do something about them. If anyone still reads this oft-neglected rag, please harass me about this things. I can't promise I won't get snarky about it, but I will appreciate it deep down.

1). I am getting back into theatre.
2). I am going to write a harlequin, just for fun
3). I am going to (when money allows) take singing lessons
4). I am going to learn a third language, likely german, because I know someone who knows it

The rest of my dreams are hinged on cash, namely travelling and going back to school, but when I can work, those two will make the list.
Right. End of whinge. How are you?

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